The newly formed Federation of Enterprises Committed to Kicking UK into the Future (FECKOFF), is a group of leading manufacturers in the graphics sector. Companies such as Canon, Heidelberg, EFI, Fujifilm, Durst, Agfa and others are concerned that their business in the UK could suffer following Brexit. Today’s announcement of the FECKOFF collective outlines intentions for how graphics industry suppliers might serve the UK, post-Brexit.
FECKOFF has presented an Installerer Agreement accompanied by a Special Declaration both of which are so complicated that FECKOFF does not expect anyone in the UK to read them. When asked if this could compromise trade in the UK a FECKOFF representative said: “yes, but this is in line with what the UK wants. We are happy to trade with businesses in the UK, and look forward to finding out how they expect business to be done. We hope our suggestions will provide some meaningful guidance. I am quietly confident that expectations are definitely low.” The spokesman added that awareness of how trade operates across closed borders has caused some bewilderment in much of the UK graphics market. Of significant concern is the complexity of currency conversion calculations, which depend on sophisticated arithmetic many Brexiters struggle to master.
In addition to the Installerer Agreement and the Special Declaration, FECKOFF has offered UK print industry associations a Buckstop agreement. This will prevent further introduction of workflow automation software and colour management tools into the UK until business owners have fully mastered Office and can confidently export files to PDF. The Buckstop is expected to ensure no further development of the UK graphics industry’s global competitiveness and will be welcomed in the market. It will prevent the unnecessary and unwelcome implementation of process control standards in the UK, protecting longterm production inefficiency and excess waste. The combination will further bolster the UK print industry’s international position.
In addition, FECKOFF expects to continue supporting the UK through its bespoke touchless service model for the UK. Agreements to supply technologies and consumables to UK businesses will be fulfilled via third parties, so that FECKOFF members can avoid wasting time trying to enter and leave the country on non-UK passports. Another FECKOFF spokesperson explains that “we will route supplies to the UK via Barbados along with the rum exports to the UK. Our special tariffs are based on a minor premium of an obligatory two cases of rum per square metre of kit, or 33.87765% of the sales price, whichever is easiest to calculate. Conventional on demand services are also being rejuvenated, so that customers are guaranteed full service with a mere minimum of six weeks. This rises to three months in cases of extreme urgency”. She added with a smile that “we are confident that this revised on demand model is consistent with the UK’s enviable and newly established tradition of first doing the stupid thing, and then rationalising it in the pretence that it’s actually intelligent. We’re excited about a highly profitable and friction filled Brexit relationship.”