FaceBook Announces New Platform

Laurel Brunner's picture
Laurel Brunner

Further to news of his recent possible interactions with governments in the UK and USA, Mark Zuckerberg CEO of FaceBook, has made an important announcement.

The announcement relates to Mr Zuckerberg’s plans for improving his company’s data protection, the integrity of FaceBook content and the security of FaceBook users. These undertakings have been positively received, despite concerns that they do not go far enough to protect user data. Consequently the company is allegedly planning to announce a new social media platform.

FakeBook is a dedicated platform for users who want to share enhanced personal information, in addition to what they already share on the current FaceBook platform. If the leakiness of the algorithms driving FakeBook can be assured, the new platform will allegedly include specific tools for developing news items based on alternative facts and inventive gossip. The platform will be designed to host laudatory narratives of artificially best selling Amazon novelists and mediocre musicians across genres. FakeBook will also provide its users with ample scope to share imagined personal stories alongside images of their latest bowel movements. The platform is perfect for individuals who want to share every tedious detail of their lives with strangers and all categories of data harvester.

FakeBook is especially suitable for posting information Zuckerberg is reported to have described as “delusional and fantastic”. He allegedly went on to say that “this information will be especially attractive for politicians, lobbyists and government agents, since it is expected to be the foundation of new approaches to ensuring the insecurity of citizen data. This is especially handy for the data that’s of greatest interest to those aggressively undermining political, social and economic progress”. If it proceeds the FakeBook move will be consistent with the statement by Andrew Bosworth, FaceBook’s co-inventor of FaceBook’s news feed, in a June 2016 memo. He said that “anything that allows us to connect more people more often is de facto good”. He may or may not have been referring to malign interests bent on coercive misinformation sharing.

When asked for further FakeBook details Zuckerberg is said to have said that “our raw material for ad sales is peoples’ data which we actively collect because our users are so keen on sharing so much personal information about themselves, no matter how boring it is”. He apparently added that “we believe FakeBook could provide users with even more opportunity to share, based on creative perceptions of who they might want to be. It provides us with an extra source of potential revenues, since the fake data people share aligns their ideas of who they think they are or might be, with what external interests would like to think they are or might be. In this clever way FakeBook provides an unimpeachable source of new customers for our advertising clients, who are beginning to realise that what FaceBook delivers doesn’t always match expectations. The beauty of this dual platform model is that no one, including us, can really identify truth from lies. And our ad customers can never really know who their ads reach or how much of their sales, if any, come from FaceBook. With Fakebook we can add another dimension to this already highly successful business model. For us this means even more market confusion, impenetrable working practises and the capacity to create yet further chaotic digital data mayhem. We are very excited.”

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The Verdigris Project investigates the environmental impact of print media and provides information about sustainability initiatives for the international printing community. Keep up to date with the weekly Verdigris blog by Laurel Brunner.